I call them “platonic” even though they could also be signifying of “romantic” emotion, just because I want to distinguish the kind of kisses I have in mind from the open-mouthed/with-tongue kissing that grosses me out.
I’ve always liked kisses on the body that could be erotic but never sexual: on the neck or the shoulders or the back or the face, etc.
But it’s taken me a while to come around to the idea of kisses on the mouth because there’s a fine line between the kind of platonic kiss I’m thinking about—small and brief and close-mouthed and intimate and tender, without intention of crossing into the open-mouthed territory—and the full-on making out that “kissing” as an idea seems to represent more often than not.
Yet I’ve added these platonic kisses, on the mouth, to my list of physical affection gestures I’d like in my life. I find the idea of platonic kisses beautiful: whether the emotion behind them IS purely platonic or romantic (actually, the idea of a purely platonic kiss on the lips makes me swoon a little, it’s so lovely).
I don’t even see this gesture as limited to my life partnerships either. (Not that this should be surprising, I don’t limit any other gesture of physical affection to my life partnerships.) I do think that a platonic kiss requires a great level of trust, not to mention love and affection, so that it means the same thing to both people and that it doesn’t risk pushing into a more erotic/sexual direction. But with that trust in place, it could be any relationship with any person, for me. And it could be more than one relationship simultaneously.
It’s nice to think about. Like cuddling.
This also means I’m going to incorporate this into my writing somehow.
This is something that I’ve actually managed to acquire in a few of my friendships. Hello/goodbye kisses, etc. It is quite nice, and quite attainable, in my opinion. :)
[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Picture shows eight piece background in blue, black, red, and yellow, the colors of the polyamory flag. In the foreground, there is a picture of a porpoise swimming with its mouth open. TOP TEXT READS: “’You can’t be poly if you’re asexual” BOTTOM TEXT READS: “*headdesk*”]
[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Picture shows eight piece background in blue, black, red, and yellow, the colors of the polyamory flag. In the foreground, there is a picture of a porpoise swimming with its mouth open. TOP TEXT READS: “explain queerplationic polyamorous relationship” BOTTOM TEXT READS: “so basically you’re just really good friends, right?”]
and where my partners feel the same way and are so happy about it.
I just feel like outlawroad has all the quality posts right now.
But then again I’m going through all hir old posts like a creeper.
especially if both of you are ace and the relationship is clearly celibate?
(romantic or queerplatonic relationship makes no difference)
Ignore it, or decrease the intensity of the activity, depending on how much of an annoyance it becomes.
Wouldn’t it be cool as hell if primary platonic partnerships were a thing? A thing for lots of people? Including sexual people? Wouldn’t it be cool as hell if it were seen as a viable, equal option to romantic-sexual partnerships?
Wouldn’t it be cool if we liberated all behaviors of categorization and you could just do whatever the fuck you felt like doing in each individual relationship, no matter what that relationship’s emotional and physical nature?
Wouldn’t it be cool if we just threw out the concept of emotional and even sexual monogamy as law altogether and stopped operating out of this deeply ingrained, socially conditioned belief that there’s not enough love to go around and we always have to compete for our share against other people?
Wouldn’t it be cool if we could love as many people as we wanted, however we wanted, all the damn time?
Wouldn’t it be cool if, instead of your only two options in life being “live and die alone” or “enter into a romantic-sexual monogamous relationship that ends in marriage,” there were actually a shitload of other options? Like having more than one romantic relationship at a time and being committed to all of them and even having some of them be totally nonsexual? Or like committing to a platonic partner as your primary/constant/serious partner in life and living with that person long-term, even if you have romantic and/or sexual relationships with other people on the side?
Wouldn’t it be so, motherfucking cool if sexual people actually did shit like that? Regularly? Like if it was a totally normative, standard, publicly acknowledged lifestyle choice to be in any one of those possibilities?
Wouldn’t it be cool if you could legalize a platonic partnership as its own distinct significant commitment?
Or if you could have more than one legally recognized partnership at a time, no matter the romantic/sexual/platonic/queerplatonic nature of them all?
Wouldn’t it be so cool if sexual people and asexual people could actually form lifelong partnerships with each other and be happy, regardless of either one of them having other important relationships? Wouldn’t it be cool if an asexual person or even another sexual person who isn’t sexually involved with their partner, could actually trust said partner to stay committed to them even if they go off and have sex/romance/whatever with other people? And if that trust was actually a smart, justified thing to do?
Wouldn’t it be cool if romantic friendships between people of the same sex existed again and the world understood them for what they were instead of misinterpreting them as sexual relationships or ordinary romantic-sexual couple relationships?
Wouldn’t it be cool if couple relationships were NOT superior to all other relationships but in fact, all major relationships were equal and conducted to their fullest potential and everybody got their specific needs and desires met in each relationship without having to take anything away from someone else?
Wouldn’t it be cool if celibate asexuals could view the entire human population as possibilities for their intimate nonsexual relationships? Equally viable possibilities?
Wouldn’t it be cool if we saw these platonic partnerships and these polyamorous set-ups and these nonsexual romances and these queerplatonic relationships between aromantics and all other manner of relationships falling out of romantic-sexual monogamy in our movies and books and tv shows and songs and commercials and shit?
Wouldn’t it be cool if the whole world took your primary platonic relationship or your nonsexual romance or your romantic friendship or your polyamorous relationships or your aromantic sexual relationship or your aromantic life partnership as seriously as they take romantic-sexual monogamous marriage?
Wouldn’t it be cool if they actually celebrated those relationships, the way they do marriage?
Wouldn’t it be cool if no relationship desire on the planet was too weird or too specific or too different to be met?
Wouldn’t it be cool if ANYTHING was possible with ANYONE?
Wouldn’t that be fuckin great?
Wouldn’t it be great if we all felt like we could actually have exactly what we want, how we want it?
Wouldn’t it be great if we were free to share affection and intimacy with as many people as our hearts desire, in as many ways, and it was just this easy, natural, simple thing?
Wouldn’t it be great if we walked around truly convinced that there is always enough love for everyone to have as much as they want and we don’t have to worry about it or compete or prove ourselves or play games because there are no rules and we don’t try to possess each other or control each other and we just ask for what we want and give what we want and feel good about it and not care what our loved ones go off and experience with other people?
Wouldn’t it be cool to be that free?
"Um…it hasn’t changed?"
Things like this, combined with a few other issues, make me think maybe a new therapist may be in my future. *sigh*